I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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