I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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