...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
