you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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