I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
