She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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