You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
