Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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