it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
