there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
