i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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