Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
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His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
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I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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