u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
