It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
