we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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