I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
