Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
