I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
