One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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