escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
