I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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