I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Randomize
