Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
