I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
