is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Even my vagina gasped.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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