yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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