im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
