No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
