you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
