when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
