Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
