so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
