So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
