We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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