I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
