I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
