I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
