Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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