It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
