But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
