If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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