at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
