u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
