Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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