my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
soo... how was my night?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
