you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Im part way to drunk.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
