I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
