Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
