I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
