The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
