My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
