Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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