Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
