if i can run in heels then i can drive
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
