So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I have demons in me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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