Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
