i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
