I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
