I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The best revenge is premature balding
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
