I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
