dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
