Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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