I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
