he puts the penis in happiness.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
