So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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