Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
