I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
