Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
