Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
