covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
