Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize