omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
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cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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