U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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