she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
