I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
