Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
