I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
