Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
