his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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