I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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