It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
