You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
