i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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