We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
