My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
